My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
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