Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
