remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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