If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It was confusing and full of hummus
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
