if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
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no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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