And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
