By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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