saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
whose parrot is this?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.