Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.