i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
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ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?