he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
