hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.