i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
