That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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