That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
