the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
