I think I died a long time ago.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
