I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
