I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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