why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
