doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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