Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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