i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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