I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
