everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
