just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
kristin has been a bad kristin
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
