apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
