I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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