We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
