I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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