I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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