Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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