I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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