As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize