dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
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You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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