remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
