Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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