If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
