dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
