just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
