Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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