So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
