im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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