so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
