Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
