Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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