I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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