Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
