I'm going to jail i love you
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
