So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
