I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
