i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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