Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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