11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize