So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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