His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
