i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
