id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
