Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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