nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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