I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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