would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
