I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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