Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
