How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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