dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
im holly from the hills drunk
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
