just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I love having hate sex.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
