I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
