Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
