I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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