so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
