Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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