Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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