i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
