He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
