Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize