so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
